For English 002
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Conclusion essay 3
Considering that these method are follow, being a student in this school will be easy depending how you are as a student. If it follow in another method, it could have some success or not depending if it benefit to that person education. No matter what will happen to you in CHEC, you will always have something to remember this school, good and bad. If the first year of CHEC isn’t what you expect, you can always do better the next time.
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Vanessa,
ReplyDeleteYour sentences stay way too general. What were the steps taken? What are suggestions for other methods or other steps that one might also consider? Don't just briefly state that there might be other methods--name those methods. You don't have to go into detail, but you could follow a structure of "Another step might be to ________." Or, since you mention that another method might be based on the type of person following the steps, you can further emphasize what type of person would most likely find your steps most useful--and what type of person might not find your steps as useful.
Describe the personality traits of someone who might find your steps most useful in this school, and a brief reason why might help, too. I think you did a wise thing to allude to other methods may helping out a person based on what that person wants, educationally, but you are too far away in language for making that idea clear and effective.
There are, too, many grammar mistakes to deal with. That second sentence has some syntactical issues:
1. "It could have...success"=awkward. A person has success, not a thing. That's a faulty predication.
2. You have more punctuation and agreement errors after the "or not." "it benefits that person's education." Still, the "it" makes that whole sentence too unclear. Why not write that with "You" as the sentence's subject, since you use it in the other three sentences in that conclusion?